Immovable.
Intractable. Some would call these words words of permanence; words of
finality. I know though that these words are a falsehood. Nothing – no absolute we can define with
language – can be true. To coin a
phrase, the only sure thing is change. I’ve
given a lot of thought lately to the things in my life that I think are
intractable. Things that, on the
outside, look like permanent conditions of my existence. I know in my mind that they are not though,
and I have set my mind to the task of overcoming this obstacles. I have decided that in order to overcome these
obstacles, I must be like water: fluid, stable, conforming, yet gently and
slowly changing my environment. Like the
waters of the ocean, supporting myriad things in life, yet eroding the very
rocks over which it flows, I must become as water.
Not an easy
task, to be sure. But I am, as my mother
once described me and information gatherer. I know that I do not know, so I seek to learn.
I look through books, through my past
experiences, through the role models I have and have had in the past, and
through modern means like the internet. And armed with this new information, I make
small changes in myself and to the vessel in which I reside. I both live in the life I’ve created and I
change it to conform to my wishes – flowing over rock and crag, smoothing the
rough spots, stirring up the settling silt, and redepositing it where it serves
the highest good.
I recently
met a man – a new friend in my new life in my new home – who is like a mirror. He is me if I had been born earlier in a
different place. His mannerisms, his
affect, his trials and tribulations are ones I can relate to and internalize. Some of these reflections are comfortable,
some are less so. But I welcome the
image as I welcome the new day – another opportunity to see the world as it is,
and another opportunity to see how the world sees me. Why is this important, because the world is
the rock I must shape – the rough stone I must smooth over. It is the reality I must manipulate to bring
my perception of what I think it should be to fruition. It may seem grandiose to think of manipulating
the world, but the idea is simple: I do
not have to change the whole world, just the piece of it that interacts with
me, and this is well within the capability of the water-soul.
I spoke
today of changing jobs. I spoke of
expression, of wanting more than anything to be an artist – a creator. For now, I do that through words. I find it a crude medium; so fixed, so
limited in its scope and so easily misinterpreted. This crudity is the reason I put no stock in
the Bible – it will only ever be a text, written down by man, expressed through
a man’s mind, a man’s hand, and limited by a man’s intellect. God, if he wanted us to truly know his will, would
never have chosen this medium for his divine power because that power is so
quickly and easily diluted by man’s limited ability to comprehend the power of
communication. I think instead that he
or she daily chooses to express divine will in sunsets, storms, squalls and auroras
– truly expressions of creativity and divinity. Had he never seen one, man would never have
conceived of an event in nature composed purely of color or air or water in
such massive motion – his mind is too small, his vision too meager. Let God reveal herself in nature. And let me reveal myself through my contribution
to culture and art; not through my mending of broken computers and trivial
music players. Let me be the music, the
photograph, or the program that brings life and enjoyment of those devices to
the user. But for now – let me be the
words that inspire someone to think or do or move. Let me be the catalyst. Please world, let me just be.